I started blogging anonymously on Tumblr in July of 2016, posting things I’d been writing since earlier in the year. There was a lot happening in my life that I desperately wanted to share and talk through, but for a multitude of reasons, not to anyone I knew. Friends generally mean well, but ultimately, we are all prone to selfishness. As listeners, we judge because we disagree. We think we understand the story better than its teller. We use information to further our own agendas and sway opinions. Or we simply fail to listen at all. For these reasons, sharing requires tailoring your truth. As the storyteller, we leave out details, embellish the highlights for emphasis and focus, and swing things in a manner that will avoid reactions we don’t want from each person we tell. We all have agendas. We are all selfish.
I made the mistake of sharing the Tumblr with a few people I thought I could trust to fully lack judgement or agenda. With a singular exception, I was wrong. Once I knew they were listening, I started tailoring, editing, and censoring. It defeated the purpose when I stopped writing my own perception of events and started telling what people would prefer to read. I stopped using a tool that turned out that it was helpful and I still need it. This is a second attempt. I’m transferring everything here, backdated accordingly. I’m posting each entry, but updated with the version I wrote for myself—before editing and censoring for consumption. I’m keeping it anonymous, unless or until it makes sense for it not to be. Even then, it will likely only be known to the person who is most heavily featured, if and when it makes more sense for him to know than to not.
So, Strangers, welcome to my crazy life. Here’s my backstory, if you want to know what you’re in for:
I started blogging when I was newly single. By that, I mean mid-divorce process (which still isn’t over.) I met my ex-husband when I was nineteen, we started dating when I was twenty, and we were married when I was twenty-six. At thirty-one, I was single for the first time since being barely more than a teenager. I was freshly alone, with a decade of rust to clean off, in the new age of Tinder, Bumble, and Snapchatted dick pics.
As part of my newly single life, I decided to live in a “grab-life-by-the-throat” fashion. I had already upgraded myself into at 2.0 version three years ago—leaving my great, but semi-dead-end job to pursue law school and trimming the fat out of my social life by leaving negative people behind. I had started working on version 2.1—sticking with the positive changes, but going full-throttle toward being a badass bitch.
This started as a chronicle of a process that is tedious, insane, often funny, and sometimes incredibly difficult. I presumed I would fail, so intended to do it in the most glorious fashion possible and share to entertain strangers. I learned more than I expected, but it’s not as funny as I’d hoped. Now I’m just doing it for me. If you’ve stumbled on this, Stranger, hopefully you’ll find something you connect with in here. If you do, I hope it serves you well. If you know me and found this, I just ask that anything you learn be used wisely, respectfully, and with compassion.